Obama Wipes the Noses of Crybaby Consumers
This week we saw the spectacle of President Obama wiping the noses of whiny consumers because credit card companies were being mean. He summoned the leaders of those companies to the White House to tell them to stop being such bad people, or he would spank them.
Boo hoo. Please Mr. President, take care of us. We don’t want to play by the credit card rules. In fact, we don’t even know what the rules are. We are too lazy to read the fine print. So don’t let the credit card companies play by the rules. That fine print shouldn’t apply to us. Make new rules just for us Mr. President. We need our credit. In fact we want more of it. But our HELOC is maxed out and our mortgage is upside down.
We know that if we just stopped using plastic, the card companies would have to offer better service to get us back as customers. If they didn’t, they would be out of business. But we don’t want to stop using our cards. Credit cards are our right. We don’t care if impairing the credit card companies’ ability to compensate for risk will affect everyone. We want everyone who owns a credit card – not just the crybabies – to pay for our insatiable appetite for stuff and the credit to buy it with.
We are pathetic, helpless consumers, Mr. President. We can’t look out for our own financial selves so you need to do it for us. Please make those bad credit card companies do it our way. We are eager and ready to buy more stuff Mr. President. If you take care of us in this special credit card moment in history, we will flood the economy with a new wave of meaningless consumption. Then we will vote for you in the next election. The cycle will be complete. We will depend on you to help us spend without worrying about the bad credit card people. You will depend on us to keep you in charge of our lives. And easy access to consumer credit will become yet another entitlement that you have created for us. What a glorious future we will have together.
Thank you Mr. President for doing what we won’t do for ourselves. But before you go, there is one more tear we need you to dry. When we want to file bankruptcy, please make sure that those nasty credit card companies can’t stop us. After you clear the path toward more spending, we will max out those cards then need the bankruptcy courts to help us start over. That’s not too much to ask, is it? Our votes should pay for that.
Thanks again Mr. President. May we go to Disney World now?
Photo credit: Mastermag