Comments on: Dodging the Parental Boomeranger http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/ The Hard Truth about Money and Personal Finance Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:03:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: katy http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3289 katy Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:10:07 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3289 Wish you guys were in the room with us! My husbands sister just wrote him a letter. His mother was prodded to collect social at 75!!! She gave her last house to the Unity Church and slept on a friends couch afterward. Dad hasn't worked since 1986 (bum) and is dying with an oxygen tank now. It never ends. (laughing) Wish you guys were in the room with us!

My husbands sister just wrote him a letter. His mother was prodded to collect social at 75!!! She gave her last house to the Unity Church and slept on a friends couch afterward. Dad hasn’t worked since 1986 (bum) and is dying with an oxygen tank now.

It never ends. (laughing)

]]> By: MasterPo http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3286 MasterPo Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:53:54 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3286 Well written. Well written.

]]> By: Mortalmombat http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3283 Mortalmombat Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:32:38 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3283 Kate's point is a good one--refusal to deal with or talk about the situation is the likely response of many spendthrift parents. Perhpas she might consider saying "Glad to hear it, you'll need to" in response to "Ill just have to work until I die." I am guessing parents like this try to "feel out" their kids for guilt and sense of obligation and then swoop in. My question is: Why should adult kids feel any sense of guilt for their parents' self-generated predicament? It is a totally different story when parents are down on their luck through no fault of their own after a lifetime of trying to work and do the right thing. But these parents are NOT the ones who feel entitled to their kids' nest eggs, moaning "poor me." Instead, they are the ones whose photos are in the news as the 70 year olds working at Walmarts. Taking responsibility to the end. These seniors need more praise, recognition and interviews re their old fashioned values and determination to be good examples. Kate’s point is a good one–refusal to deal with or talk about the situation is the likely response of many spendthrift parents. Perhpas she might consider saying “Glad to hear it, you’ll need to” in response to “Ill just have to work until I die.” I am guessing parents like this try to “feel out” their kids for guilt and sense of obligation and then swoop in. My question is: Why should adult kids feel any sense of guilt for their parents’ self-generated predicament? It is a totally different story when parents are down on their luck through no fault of their own after a lifetime of trying to work and do the right thing. But these parents are NOT the ones who feel entitled to their kids’ nest eggs, moaning “poor me.” Instead, they are the ones whose photos are in the news as the 70 year olds working at Walmarts. Taking responsibility to the end. These seniors need more praise, recognition and interviews re their old fashioned values and determination to be good examples.

]]> By: Kate http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3282 Kate Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:56:57 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3282 It's a great topic, but even with the script, I don't think it will work if you have such a parent. My parent just shrugs nonchalantly and says, "That's just who I am," when talking about money management, and regarding retirement says, "I guess I will just work until I die, and when I can't work anymore, well, maybe I'll just kill myself." I haven't a clue how to influence such thinking. My parent (who makes a decent salary), ruled by impulse, simply refuses to be fiscally responsible or converse in an emotionally-neutral, rational way regarding personal finances. I can't say that I find it comforting that there is an entire body of people who are in the same boat. It’s a great topic, but even with the script, I don’t think it will work if you have such a parent. My parent just shrugs nonchalantly and says, “That’s just who I am,” when talking about money management, and regarding retirement says, “I guess I will just work until I die, and when I can’t work anymore, well, maybe I’ll just kill myself.” I haven’t a clue how to influence such thinking. My parent (who makes a decent salary), ruled by impulse, simply refuses to be fiscally responsible or converse in an emotionally-neutral, rational way regarding personal finances. I can’t say that I find it comforting that there is an entire body of people who are in the same boat.

]]> By: Mortalmombat http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3281 Mortalmombat Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:30:31 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3281 Superb, incredibly helpful script on what to (and what not) to say. The "pre-emptive verbal strike" definitely sounds like the way to go. Definitely would work (if anything would) to ward off unrealistic parental assumptions of future freeloading. The respectful tone of adult child to older parent makes sense. No one likes to be lectured...particularly those who are in worst need of a lecture. It would be difficult to know how to respond to a parent's rejoinders of unrealistic plans or perpetual excuses, but Mr. Tough Money Love suggests the most viable option--"broken-record" the message in a kind, but tough love way. Also TML makes an excellent point--don't blame your spouse for cutting off the financial spigot! That should be in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Offering to hook Dad/Mom up with a financial advisor--an inspired idea! Excellent column with timely, timely advice! Superb, incredibly helpful script on what to (and what not) to say. The “pre-emptive verbal strike” definitely sounds like the way to go. Definitely would work (if anything would) to ward off unrealistic parental assumptions of future freeloading. The respectful tone of adult child to older parent makes sense. No one likes to be lectured…particularly those who are in worst need of a lecture. It would be difficult to know how to respond to a parent’s rejoinders of unrealistic plans or perpetual excuses, but Mr. Tough Money Love suggests the most viable option–”broken-record” the message in a kind, but tough love way. Also TML makes an excellent point–don’t blame your spouse for cutting off the financial spigot! That should be in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Offering to hook Dad/Mom up with a financial advisor–an inspired idea! Excellent column with timely, timely advice!

]]> By: Corporate Barbarian http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3279 Corporate Barbarian Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:53:23 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3279 That script is excellent. While my parents are deceased, this could be helpful to my sons. I'll save it for them, in case they have any Boomeranger in-laws in the future. That script is excellent. While my parents are deceased, this could be helpful to my sons. I’ll save it for them, in case they have any Boomeranger in-laws in the future.

]]> By: CLB http://toughmoneylove.com/2009/03/25/dodging-parental-boomeranger/comment-page-1/#comment-3277 CLB Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:06:33 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=2900#comment-3277 I also think each person needs to know their limits. If a fiscally irresponsible parent needed help, what are you willing to provide? Run the numbers knowing, for example, that you are going to provide enough money for a living space, food and medications. That way, if the money never seems to last until the end of the month, you can show how with budgeting, it was plenty to cover the necessities. It may not convince the parent, but it would provide peace of mind to an adult child feeling guilty about saying 'no more'. (I think the numbers should also be run for an adult child boomerang as well). I also think each person needs to know their limits. If a fiscally irresponsible parent needed help, what are you willing to provide? Run the numbers knowing, for example, that you are going to provide enough money for a living space, food and medications. That way, if the money never seems to last until the end of the month, you can show how with budgeting, it was plenty to cover the necessities. It may not convince the parent, but it would provide peace of mind to an adult child feeling guilty about saying ‘no more’.

(I think the numbers should also be run for an adult child boomerang as well).

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