Comments on: Dodging the Parental Boomeranger

By: Ana

Ana — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 16:01:51 +0000

Nice script, but charming Dad who has lived his life at the bars and loves to buy strangers a round has come-a-knocking on my door already.

If you are at this point (as I am) this is what I am doing…

(1) Take full control of his finances (legally)
(2) Get him an apartment
(3) Pay all his bills directly
(4) Leave him with little ‘food cash’ per day.
No Car, No Credit Card, No Debit Card,
Arrange Lots of Small Easy Chores and Charity Activities.

I’ll let you know how this goes in 6 months time

By: katy

katy — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:10:07 +0000

Wish you guys were in the room with us!

My husbands sister just wrote him a letter. His mother was prodded to collect social at 75!!! She gave her last house to the Unity Church and slept on a friends couch afterward. Dad hasn’t worked since 1986 (bum) and is dying with an oxygen tank now.

It never ends. (laughing)

By: MasterPo

MasterPo — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:53:54 +0000

Well written.

By: Mortalmombat

Mortalmombat — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:32:38 +0000

Kate’s point is a good one–refusal to deal with or talk about the situation is the likely response of many spendthrift parents. Perhpas she might consider saying “Glad to hear it, you’ll need to” in response to “Ill just have to work until I die.” I am guessing parents like this try to “feel out” their kids for guilt and sense of obligation and then swoop in. My question is: Why should adult kids feel any sense of guilt for their parents’ self-generated predicament? It is a totally different story when parents are down on their luck through no fault of their own after a lifetime of trying to work and do the right thing. But these parents are NOT the ones who feel entitled to their kids’ nest eggs, moaning “poor me.” Instead, they are the ones whose photos are in the news as the 70 year olds working at Walmarts. Taking responsibility to the end. These seniors need more praise, recognition and interviews re their old fashioned values and determination to be good examples.

By: Kate

Kate — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:56:57 +0000

It’s a great topic, but even with the script, I don’t think it will work if you have such a parent. My parent just shrugs nonchalantly and says, “That’s just who I am,” when talking about money management, and regarding retirement says, “I guess I will just work until I die, and when I can’t work anymore, well, maybe I’ll just kill myself.” I haven’t a clue how to influence such thinking. My parent (who makes a decent salary), ruled by impulse, simply refuses to be fiscally responsible or converse in an emotionally-neutral, rational way regarding personal finances. I can’t say that I find it comforting that there is an entire body of people who are in the same boat.

By: Mortalmombat

Mortalmombat — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:30:31 +0000

Superb, incredibly helpful script on what to (and what not) to say. The “pre-emptive verbal strike” definitely sounds like the way to go. Definitely would work (if anything would) to ward off unrealistic parental assumptions of future freeloading. The respectful tone of adult child to older parent makes sense. No one likes to be lectured…particularly those who are in worst need of a lecture. It would be difficult to know how to respond to a parent’s rejoinders of unrealistic plans or perpetual excuses, but Mr. Tough Money Love suggests the most viable option–”broken-record” the message in a kind, but tough love way. Also TML makes an excellent point–don’t blame your spouse for cutting off the financial spigot! That should be in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. Offering to hook Dad/Mom up with a financial advisor–an inspired idea! Excellent column with timely, timely advice!

By: Corporate Barbarian

Corporate Barbarian — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:53:23 +0000

That script is excellent. While my parents are deceased, this could be helpful to my sons. I’ll save it for them, in case they have any Boomeranger in-laws in the future.