The Cynic’s Activity Guide to Contentment in a Bad Economy

March 9, 2009 by  
Filed under Money and Behavior

cynical_clownsI admit it – I am a professional cynic.  I also believe in using a little cynical humor to lighten the mood when things aren’t to my liking.   Sometimes that humor contains hard truth that comes at the expense of others.  But I mean no harm.  I just want my money back.

Today I experienced a burst of cynical energy coupled with a need to smile my way out of economic gloom.   This is the list of activities that resulted from that combination of character traits (or flaws).  Yes, it’s a strange way to find contentment in tough times but it works for me.  Maybe it will work for you as well.  I hope it sets a positive mood for the rest of the week.

1.  Be happy that you own assets that have declined in value.  The big losers are those that started with nothing.

2.  Proudly display a “Honk if I’m Paying Your Mortgage” bumper sticker.  Or if you are one of the irresponsible homeowners, make that a “Honk if You’re Paying My Mortgage” sticker.

3.  Practice gratitude (and pay it forward) for not owning real estate in California.  (If you live in California, substitute Nevada, Florida, or Arizona, the other big real estate disasters.)

4.  Learn the Johnny Paycheck tune “Take this Job and Shove it.”   You might want to sing it on that final day of employment.  If the final day has already passed, perhaps add “Up Your …….” to the hook line.

5.  Think of a clever nickname for your personal government employee.  The way things are trending, each of us who still pays income taxes will have one.  I’m thinking “SpongeBob” for mine.

6.  Be the first on your block to learn the real meanings of “socialism” and “Ponzi Scheme.”  Never have so many misused so few words.

7.  Invent the drug that treats ID (Investment Dysfunction.)   I don’t know about your situation, but for my investments, the “moment is right.”

8.  Start an investment club.  Hold a meeting with yourself.

9.  Watch reruns of the Newhart series finale.  Hey – it could all be a bad dream …… right?

And if you run out of ideas and have time left over ….

10.  Count to $1 trillion in $1 million increments.  Report back here when you are finished.

That’s the Mr. ToughMoneyLove cynical activity list.  Do you have any to add?

Image credit:  Craig Jewell

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8 Responses to “The Cynic’s Activity Guide to Contentment in a Bad Economy”
  1. goldenrail says:

    I’m actually scared that I understood that Bob Newhart line.

  2. Brian says:

    I’m like you, with the humor only w some anger afterall the glass is half empty and who the heck drank my half! :>)

  3. Cletus says:

    I have read a lot of your articles and find them entertaining and informative, however I take some offense at statement #6 leading us to believe that government employees are in essense living off of the rest of the world (sponge bob). I know what was meant by the statement as to the direction that our government is going and I do agree with you however you need to be careful when you group all gov’t employees as sponges. My case is that I was a small business owner for 5 years and a member of the National Guard during that time period. What a disaster between finding coverage whenever I was gone and then getting mobilized for a year.(actually 15 months) I won’t go much further with this however I did sell the business and am now a gov’t employee in the much needed area of corrections. Gov’t employment is top notch when it comes to how they treat veterans and the benefits they offer. With about 8 years left until my 20 in the military I thank God everyday for my job however it bothers me to know that apparently your opinion of gov’t employees is not very high.

  4. MasterPo says:

    Where can I get one of those bumper stickers? :-)

  5. Cletus: Clearly my comment about government employees (and SpongeBob) was a slightly over the top attempt at humor. When I wrote it I thought I should probably add a clarifying exception for members of the military whom I respect and honor 100%. If I had to write it over again, I would probably narrow it to focus on politicians and their appointees in government. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for serving our country.

    MasterPo – Maybe we should start a bumper sticker business!

  6. Al says:

    Bob was just spoofing Dallas.

  7. MasterPo says:

    TML – Put it up on Cafe Press. :)

  8. seaar2000 says:

    Busted a gut about #2. Like MasterPro would love to know where to get that bumper sticker. I only make 21,000 a year and I have never missed a mortagage payment in the 11 years I have had my mortgage. Really, where can I get this bumper sticker.

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