Comments on: Dispensing Money Advice (or not) to “Help Resistant” Family and Friends http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/ The Hard Truth about Money and Personal Finance Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:03:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Mr. ToughMoneyLove http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1727 Mr. ToughMoneyLove Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:52:25 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1727 Happy Rock: A money intervention isn't likely to work well with most people. At least with an addiction, the addicted recognize they have a problem. People with money problems seem to think they are normal. Happy Rock: A money intervention isn’t likely to work well with most people. At least with an addiction, the addicted recognize they have a problem. People with money problems seem to think they are normal.

]]> By: The Happy Rock http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1680 The Happy Rock Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:23:31 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1680 How about the intervention? For those how aren't interested but are ruining their lives and you care enough to be uncomfortable and try and involve yourself. This one isn't designed to protect the relationship though, as it could spell the end or a great new beginning. How about the intervention? For those how aren’t interested but are ruining their lives and you care enough to be uncomfortable and try and involve yourself. This one isn’t designed to protect the relationship though, as it could spell the end or a great new beginning.

]]> By: Mr. ToughMoneyLove http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1642 Mr. ToughMoneyLove Thu, 11 Dec 2008 01:56:49 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1642 Slinky - I like your technique. I have done the same with my sons - send them info and hope they read and react to it in a positive manner. Slinky – I like your technique. I have done the same with my sons – send them info and hope they read and react to it in a positive manner.

]]> By: Slinky http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1637 Slinky Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:23:27 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1637 I usually follow the person's lead. They say something, I throw out a tidbit. If they don't respond to it, I drop it. If they do I'll throw something else out there. - For example - Sister: I need to get my taxes done. Me: I filed mine online for free. Sister: Could you help me do my state? - While helping with state taxes Me: Do you have any student loan interest? Sister: Yeah, here. I need to sit down one of these days and figure out exactly what I've got. Me: There's a web site that will show you all of them. -I send the website later and get "Thanks" in reply so I drop it. This method always goes just one step farther than they're willing to go. It pushes a little towards smart decisions, but it's not really being pushy. The key isn't to throw out advice, but more like information. I did this, I use that, I know of a site/program/etc that does that. That way you're helpful, but not judgmental or anything. If they're interested, they'll ask. If they could care less, they'll ignore it. I usually follow the person’s lead. They say something, I throw out a tidbit. If they don’t respond to it, I drop it. If they do I’ll throw something else out there.

- For example -
Sister: I need to get my taxes done.
Me: I filed mine online for free.
Sister: Could you help me do my state?
- While helping with state taxes
Me: Do you have any student loan interest?
Sister: Yeah, here. I need to sit down one of these days and figure out exactly what I’ve got.
Me: There’s a web site that will show you all of them.
-I send the website later and get “Thanks” in reply so I drop it.

This method always goes just one step farther than they’re willing to go. It pushes a little towards smart decisions, but it’s not really being pushy. The key isn’t to throw out advice, but more like information. I did this, I use that, I know of a site/program/etc that does that. That way you’re helpful, but not judgmental or anything. If they’re interested, they’ll ask. If they could care less, they’ll ignore it.

]]> By: Mr. ToughMoneyLove http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1505 Mr. ToughMoneyLove Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:55:44 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1505 Flexo - Thanks for the comment. It sounds like you subscribe to the "loving it" and "leaving it" response strategies. I think I agree with you. Recently a young family member who has a lot money invested (and who is about to get a lot more) contacted me for portfolio advice after the market crashed. I made some initial "hold the fort" type recommendations but then encouraged him to connect with a personal financial advisor. Flexo – Thanks for the comment. It sounds like you subscribe to the “loving it” and “leaving it” response strategies. I think I agree with you. Recently a young family member who has a lot money invested (and who is about to get a lot more) contacted me for portfolio advice after the market crashed. I made some initial “hold the fort” type recommendations but then encouraged him to connect with a personal financial advisor.

]]> By: Flexo http://toughmoneylove.com/2008/12/03/dispensing-money-advice-or-not-to-help-resistant-family-and-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-1504 Flexo Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:50:33 +0000 http://toughmoneylove.com/?p=283#comment-1504 In my experience, most of the people I hear complain about money aren't looking for solutions or adivce. Most of the time, they just want to vent -- even if deep down, they would like their problems to be gone. I never offer advice. If someone wants to hear my thoughts on their money situation, I wait for them to ask. Even then, I'm often reluctant, because I don't want to fill that role for friends and family. If a stranger has a question, I will always do my best, but I'd like to keep my relationships with friends and family pure without bringing a level of "I know more about handling money than you do" into it. In my experience, most of the people I hear complain about money aren’t looking for solutions or adivce. Most of the time, they just want to vent — even if deep down, they would like their problems to be gone. I never offer advice. If someone wants to hear my thoughts on their money situation, I wait for them to ask. Even then, I’m often reluctant, because I don’t want to fill that role for friends and family. If a stranger has a question, I will always do my best, but I’d like to keep my relationships with friends and family pure without bringing a level of “I know more about handling money than you do” into it.

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