Comments on: What Will Your Gifts Reveal About Your Relationship?

By: Ann

Ann — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 15:37:58 +0000

Just do what my husband and I do–say, “No gifts this year, right?” and enjoy the figs and punch. Spending on gifts is somewhat pointless after 15 years. Each year my brother-in-law is handed a laundry list of the exact items that my sister-in-law wants for Christmas. To the mall he goes…he drags my husband and me along for moral support. Oh, and underwear is even on the list. Ridiculous!

So, guys, if you’re buying gifts for your wife, one thing you could try (but don’t tell her!)… taking along another female who knows and appreciates your lady’s tastes (preferably a related female!). Unless this is too much like the boss’ secretary buying his wife gifts?

By: Mortalmombat

Mortalmombat — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:05:59 +0000

Mr. TML is exactly right, I think. Getting “bad” gifts does erode love and affection over the long haul. I have some expertise in this, as a woman. Looking back on several long term relationships that ultimately went South, I came to interpret the meaning of “bad” gifts as “he doesn’t know me at all,” “he doesn’t listen to me so he doesn’t have a clue to anything that interests me,” and ultimately, “he’s giving me something that shows no thought or effort–sending me a message loud and clear.” Buh-bye! But I did apply this hardwon knowledge in raising my son. He is a superb gift giver and has had a decade of happy women in his life. A gift “matched” to the woman’s wishes–something that will delight her–is the aim. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it does have to be something she will cherish. At 95, my granny could recite (in order!) every birthday gift her husband gave her when they were courting. Also, men need to be aware that their beloved will be asked by family and friends what he gave her—RED ALERT! Women may look pleased (and talk themselves into believing they’re pleased) when they first get your gift. But when they get groans and aghast looks from friends and family, believe me, they will begin see you through others eyes. If you’re a good guy with a good track record, you can survive a few flops if your learning curve isn’t stone flat. Beyond this, you’re history and an anecdote.
I have also given my share of “bad” gifts, and was pained even as I bought them–it was obvious to me the relationship was dying. I was giving out of obligation, not out of love or interest.

By: Slinky

Slinky — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 21:37:22 +0000

Instead of getting a gift certificate, I’ll gift a shopping trip. That is, I take my fiancee to a store he loves, give him a general limit and set him loose. When we get to the register, I pay. This works especially well for stores where he often says we should stop at, but never actually do. I did this at Penzey’s spices. I told him he could get any X spices he wanted. It was very nice because we could both share our opinions on the spices.

Also, I think it’s ok to ask what someone wants, or if they’d like X for Christmas, but don’t make it a habit! I try to listen to idle comments about things he wishes he had, or something that’s getting worn out and such. That’s the best kind of gift because you know they’d like it, and you get bonus points for listening and remembering it!

By: doctor S

doctor S — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:31:25 +0000

Wow! G Jules. You just provided a handbook for many of us! I must say I am horrible at getting gifts for the lady, let alone anyone, during the Christmas time. If I just did a little bit of planning ahead of time it would be more helpful. This year I requested to my family and lady that they provide me with a Santa’s list! But so far I have received total resistance against it!

By: Stop Getting Cheated

Stop Getting Cheated — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:40:08 +0000

When it comes to “The Lady” it just makes good sense to pay attention to what she says throughout the year. I pick up lots of good ideas for gifts because she’ll forgo getting something for herself just to save a few dollars.

I like what G. Jules says about “experiences” being good gifts. I always try to take her to a new play, comedy act, or concert in town as part of the Holidays. So far, it has worked. Just remember however, no matter how old a woman is, she still likes unwrapping presents and being surprised.

By: G. Jules

G. Jules — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:31:20 +0000

See, that’s what makes general rules difficult: there’s a lot of variability between different people.

Personally I don’t mind people asking for gift ideas at all; I’d rather get something I like. (Hey, I don’t always know what I want, and I live in this brain.) I think most people I know are in this category as well.

But I did know a few people back in college who were deeply bothered by someone asking for an idea. They felt like if their boyfriend *really* knew them, he wouldn’t need to ask. One person I knew would have been really bothered by her capital-S-Soulmate boyfriend asking her for a gift idea. I’m pretty sure it would have been easier for her to come up with a reason why she really loved a total turkey of a gift than to ignore the fact that Soulmate had to *ask* her for gift ideas.

Soulmate came up with a decent gift, so things turned out well in the end, but — yeah. That was a really stressful holiday season.

By: Mr. ToughMoneyLove

Mr. ToughMoneyLove — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:07:27 +0000

G. Jules – Thanks from all the guys for your excellent guidelines. The warning about having to ask for ideas is a new one to me but I agree that it helps if you can find at least one “good” gift that she didn’t ask for.