Need a Laugh? Consider these Economic “Solutions” from Across America

October 1, 2008 by  
Filed under Money and Behavior

Rescue Plan Alternatives Abound

Following Monday’s failure of the proposed economic rescue bill, the airwaves on Tuesday were filled with alternative proposals from “experts” in government and industry.  Before I mention the alternative suggestions from the “experts”, we need to talk about Joe Six Pack.  He had his say as well.  Actually, Joe was first heard from on Monday.  Joe called his Congressperson to voice strong opposition to the rescue bill.  Joe conveyed an elegantly simple economic message:  If you vote this rescue package into law, Joe Six Pack will vote you out of office.  

Now Congress doesn’t know much about macroeconomics.  But even the most ignorant Congressperson understands that not getting re-elected is bad for the Department of Personal Economic Consequences.  This is particularly true if the Congressperson is not yet ready to parlay his or her influence into a lucrative lobbying job.  So, if lots of upset Joe Six Packs are calling in an election year, Mr. or Ms. Congressperson is reluctantly but attentively listening. 

Joe Six Pack Has His Own Ideas 

Mr. ToughMoneyLove generally likes Joe Six Pack.  In fact, Mr. ToughMoneyLove likes beer so maybe I am Joe Six Pack.  Anyway, I enjoyed hearing some of the suggestions that Joe offered today for how to deal with the crisis in the credit markets.  Some of them made me laugh.  This week I needed a good laugh.  It was kind of sad, however, to realize that Joe did not intend to make me laugh.  He was just trying to help. 

I actually learned about Joe’s suggestions from Mrs. ToughMoneyLove who was listening to the “Big D and Bubba” show on WSIX FM.  Listeners were invited to call in with their personal ideas for how to survive in these difficult economic times.  Please read what three callers recommended.  (Remember that these are real callers and that they are allowed to vote.) 

Caller 1: 

Buy drinks in aluminum cans.  Not only do you get to drink what is inside but then you can sell the cans.  

Wow.  I thought the aluminum can resale business was monopolized by confused people pushing stolen shopping carts.  Now they have telephones and are not afraid to use them.  I’m guessing the real take-away from this call is that the more you drink from aluminum cans, the wealthier you are.  Or would that theory apply only to beer cans? 

Caller 2: 

Don’t invest in anything but land because land never loses value.

I did not appreciate until this call that all of the homes that are losing value in California and elsewhere are not built on actual “land.”  The caller neglected to explain what those devalued homes are built on.  I hope he calls back and tells us because they will want to study that material in the new super particle collider in Europe.  

Caller 3

We go to the bank with $40 every week and get quarters.  We keep the quarters at home in five gallon plastic water jugs.  We have saved $7600 this way.  That’s because no one wants to go to the store and buy stuff with a big jug of quarters.

This was my favorite call because it was so logical, particularly that last part.  On the other hand, now that this caller’s secret is out, shortages of quarters and water jugs could develop.  Better starting hoarding yours.

Did I mention that these were real callers and that they can vote? 

So now you know the hard truth of how the rescue bill was voted down and what Joe Six Pack is proposing instead.  While other so-called experts were talking about increasing FDIC insurance limits, doing away with mark-to-market accounting rules, or having the Treasury acquire preferred stock in distressed banks, real people were discussing real ideas.  The march of the financially clueless continued unabated.  Is it no wonder that the market rebounded on Tuesday? 

I am curious readers.  Have any of you heard a “solution” to our crisis that brought a nervous smile to your face?

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5 Responses to “Need a Laugh? Consider these Economic “Solutions” from Across America”
  1. Sweet. My new retirement plan is based around drinking beer from aluminum cans…

  2. Evan says:

    I got 2 funny emails (I hope both were jokes, LORD DO I HOPE BOTH WERE JOKES)

    1) Subject: New Investment Plan

    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would
    have $49.00 today

    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00

    If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would
    have $0.00 today.

    But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer,
    then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received a

    Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
    recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

    A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
    Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a
    year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

    Makes you proud to be an American!

  3. Andrea says:

    Well, there’s the stupid chain mail going around that suggests that we could all get $425,000 if the government took the $85b given to AIG and gave it to us instead.

    I did put a homeowner solution up on my blog that isn’t actually horrible (I don’t think) but unfortunately, I’m not in Congress.

  4. Evan: I like the jokes. I just wish that the callers I quoted were joking.

    Andrea: I forgot about that one. My Dad forwarded it to me. Someone forgot how to use a calculator.

  5. I love the quarters suggestion from the caller. If you mix alcohol and quarters you have an evening of entertainment.

    Did any of the callers suggest gambling or playing the lotto for making extra money? The beer comment is the best. Thanks for sharing.

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